Thursday, July 02, 2009

A Letter of Request

Dear Teenage Kid Trying to Do Tricks on a Tiny Bicycle,

You look to be about 17 or 18 years old, so I'll just tell it like it is. You may say that wearing your shorts below your butt cheeks feels more comfortable or allows you a greater range of motion to maneuver your tiny bicycle as you attempt to do jumps off the curb and into the street in front of my car. Be that as it may, wearing your shorts below your butt cheeks only serves to display to people behind you that those butt cheeks are, in fact, sweaty. It is not sexy. But thanks for not having plumber's crack, as well.

P.S. When I make eye contact with you from the car it does not mean "go ahead and make that little jump into the street only feet in front of my moving car." It means "yes, I see you. My car is bigger than you and will hurt you." So don't get mad at me when you jump into the street and I have to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting you.

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