Primary Gems

In Primary on Sunday we talked about bringing people to Christ and what we can do to help them. A four or five year old girl raised her hand very excitedly and said, "When they're dead we can bury them and then we can baptize them!" None of the adults had any response to that--probably because we were stifling laughter.

Creationism vs. Fairyism

The Sharing Time lesson in Primary today was about the creation of the world. The teacher asked questions about who made the earth and how long it took. In a short time the kids got it figured out that it was 7 days. The teacher then said, "That's right. It took seven days to finish making the earth." As soon as that was out of her mouth Sarah, a four year old, raised her hand and asked, in concerned tones, "But what about the fairies?" I love Primary.

The Weekly Jordan Show

Have you ever felt like you were on display for several hours at a time? I have. It's happened every Sunday for the past year. My weekly Sunday schedule is as follows:

10:20 Choir practice. This is the time where I absolutely slaughter the music in front of me while the choir members graciously overlook my lack of talent. I've been in choirs where the pianist would apologize for the one or two missed notes, stating that it was the first time seeing the music. I, on the other hand, practice for several weeks, hit most of the notes wrong, and glare at the music at if the fault were the music's and not my own.

11:00 Sacrament meeting. I wave my arm in time to 3 or 4 songs while most members of the congregation stare into their hymnbooks and sing. There are also a few people in the congregation that stare at me and don't sing at all. One or two of them stare in a fairly creepy manner, so I avoid looking at them.

12:20-12:30 Singing time with Jr. Primary. I teach songs to 3-8 year old kids. About half of them just stare at me, but are eager to volunteer to hold visual aids.

12:30-1:00 Sharing time with Jr. Primary. There are generally a couple of songs for me to wave my arm to during this time.

1:05-1:45 Repeat the last two things with the 9-12 year old kids.

1:45-2:00 Closing exercises. We sing opening, welcome, birthday, choice, reverence, Article of Faith, and closing songs as part of everything else that goes on. If there is extra time we sing some more.

There is extra fun when the choir or children perform in sacrament meeting. If the choir is up I move from my seat, wait until the choir is in place, sit at the piano (I block the choir members from getting to their places if I sit down first), and butcher the song while they sing. If the kids are performing I get off the stand while they get one, lead them, then go back up to the stand to sit in my seat. I feel like the ward gets tired of seeing me. I don't mind being so involved, it's just that sometimes I feel like I'm hosting a variety show.

I mention all these things because this Sunday will have a lot of participation on my part. There won't be any choir practice (hallelujah), but the kids are performing and the congregation will be singing more. A lot more. Aside from the regular 4 songs it looks like we have another four or five. I'm waiting to find out if I will be asked to accompany a flute piece (I was told it was a possibility, but I haven't gotten a phone call on it yet). Finally, I was asked to give an estimate on how long it would take to sing six of the songs I mentioned before. About sixteen minutes, ten seconds if anyone's counting. Maybe they'll broadcast it if I learn to tap dance.

Rules For Choir Pianists

Now that I have been the ward choir pianist for over a year I feel that I can accurately and successfully offer tips on how to maximize your experience while magnifying your calling.

1. When you move into a new ward and fill out the new member questionnaire, conveniently forget that the "Interests and Talents" section means things you are both interested in and talented at. I can't play worth beans, but, yes, I am interested in the piano. Check that box.

2. When they extend the calling of ward choir pianist, make them aware that you play like a two year old with fingers the size of bratwurst, but that you are willing to accept any calling. Are you sure? I'll do my best, but I really suck. (I actually said precisely that when they called me.)

3. After they give you the calling, despite your lack of playing prowess, practice like mad. Then, when the song is still too hard for you, enlist the help of one of the choir members who can sight read the music better than you can play it after 2 months practice. Sing the song instead so that you are still being supprtive of the choir. And you're better at singing, anyway. I know it's only two days before we perform, but can you play the song? I suck.

4. Continue with rule 4 until you finally get a piece you can learn. Then practice that one until you hear the music in your sleep.

5. When it is time to play the song you learned, hit the first few chords wrong. You know, the ones that happen before the singing begins and are so bad there is no hiding them. Then start over again. At least when you mess up that badly at the beginning you know you can't do any worse.

Those are the rules I live by. Thankfully, all of my possible embarrassment for those situations doesn't really touch me. Once it's done I can't change it, so there's no point in getting upset. That's how it happened yesterday, anyway.

Primary Program

Today we had the annual Primary Program. This is the first year there has been even a small amount of stress involved on my part. In the past I have been the eager Primary child, as well as the teacher of the older girls. They didn't cause any problems. This year, however, I am the music leader. With 15 songs sprinkled generously through the program, it's hard for me to have a low profile. It is quickly apparent that the children in the picture are not in my ward. The children in the picture are singing. It was actually a fun experience and I thought I would pass along some of the gems of the presentation.

First is Rowan, a 5 year old who reads very well and is a little naughty. When his first turn to speak came he put on a devilish grin and ran away from the microphone. I was worried until I realized he had just gone back to grab the paper with his lines.

Next was Jaron, a generally independent 3 year old. He simply refused to do it because he wanted his mom to help. That was a first.

Another 3 year old, Sarah, said her lines perfectly, then paused with her mouth still at the microphone before pursing her lips and purposefully blowing in it. Then she primly went back to her seat.

The last (and my favorite) comes from Jennifer, yet another 3 year old. She likes to do things by herself. Before saying her part she put her hand on the microphone to tell her teacher she could do it herself. Then she looked up at the ceiling and asked her teacher, "What do I say?"

It went over really well and the kids did a fantastic job singing "I'll Follow Him in Faith" at the end

A Funny Thing Happened at Church...

Church has been increasingly amusing the past few weeks. As arm-waver extraordinaire in both Sacrament meeting and Primary I get a pretty good view of things. Except the speakers' faces. The first to address us yesterday was Greg, a 14-year-old youth speaker. The counselor in the bishopric introduced the talk by saying he had given Greg a For the Strength of Youth pamphlet and told him to choose a topic. Greg then stood up and began reading his talk. It began, in true youth speaker style, with, "The topic I was given to speak on is the family." I first thought it was funny that he said he had been assigned a specific topic. Then I racked my brain trying to remember what For the Strength of Youth says about families. It says to be honest with parents and look for opportunities to serve your family. That's all. We were, instead, treated to Greg reading us the Proclamation in its entirety. I guess I can't blame the ward for zoning out at this point, but it made them miss the best part of the whole talk. It was when he read, "...we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the 'calamites' foretold by ancient and modern prophets," that I was glad I was still listening. I asked Eric what, precisely, a calamite could be. After discussing it with family we decided it must be something akin to a Philistine. Hopefully we'll never know. The talk got even better when, immediately after reading the Proclamation, he read a quote from Elder Maxwell. In the quote Elder Maxwell refers to a couple paragraphs of the Proclamation, which Greg read. Again.

The other fun thing happened during Primary. We are practicing for the Primary Program, scheduled for next week. I'm sure that will be worthy of a post. It's always interesting to watch a room full of 3-11 year olds keep themselves entertained when it's not their turn for a speaking part. As the music leader, I get to direct the kids to stand up for each of the 15 songs we will be singing and then have them sit down again. It was a little too much for the 3 year olds. Every time we stood up two would start playing Ring Around the Rosie, two would chase each other, and the other two would just run. Six little bundles of energy vs. two frazzled teachers. Four hands against six children. You do the math. Church should be amusing next week, too.