Sunday, August 19, 2007

The Evils of Mary-Kate and Ashley

Where do I start? I'm sure that in real life these girls are very sweet. I do, however, have several beefs. First, I cannot condone the glut of brainless movies and other media productions they have been involved with. Second, their bodies haven't seemed to develop past the age of 13. To quote The Incredibles, they are "stick figures with poofy lips." Indeed, it is the poofy lips that bring me to the most personal of my grievances.
At a bridal shower a few weeks ago I won a prize bag with a love theme. Part of that prize included a tube of Mary-Kate and Ashley squeezable lip gloss. But, rather than being a simple tube of lip gloss, it also has iridescent glitter and a flavor that vaguely resembles that of a pear. I prefer my lip gloss to be plain and used for moistening my all-day lipstick rather than as an after dinner snack. However, you never know when you may not have any lip gloss on hand and, in those circumstances, sparkly lip gloss with the essence of pear is better than none at all. So I packed it in my purse and quickly forgot about it. Until a few days ago. I reached inside the purse pocket to retrieve a pen and was puzzled when it was...gooey. A further search into the pocket revealed a dry cleaning claim ticket, hair clips, and my keys coated with a thick layer of sparkly lip gloss. It could have been the purse fairy who took the twist top off the lip gloss. It could also have been a badly packaged product, merchandised by child stars. Either way, I still can't get the goo off my keys.

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