Nutcrackers

Eric and I were discussing the things we would like in our stockings this year. Our family traditions for stockings are a little different, but both include nuts. We like our nuts out of a can, though both of us grew up breaking the nuts out of their shells once we removed them from our stockings. Even if we wanted the nuts in the shell we wouldn't be able to have them--we have no nutcracker at our house. That realization prompted thoughts about nutcrackers. The thought about nutcrackers I have the most is a comment my grandmother made at my cousin's bridal shower. She opened up a metal nutcracker and the pick thing that goes with it. Without thinking, my grandma showed her enthusiasm for the gift by exclaiming, "Oh, a nutcracker! You'll sure need one of those after you're married." It took a very long time before she realized why other guests were shaking with mirth.

Another thought about nutcrackers is that the wooden ones are kind of spooky looking. I always thought the soldier types were rather frightening (as well as ineffective when compared to the metal ones that are useful after you're married). Well, there is now an alternative to the wooden soldier nutcracker:

Ta da! It's the wooden missionary nutcracker. These aren't scary at all. Just geeky. And for the bargain basement price of $39.95, why wouldn't you want both the blond and brown-haired versions? We started selling these at the store recently and it makes me shake my head and snicker every time I see the. Amazingly enough, no one has purchased one of these beauties yet. A difficult as it is to believe that anyone could pass these up, I think I have found out why they aren't flying off the shelves. Aside from looking dorky, they are also scarier than the traditional creepy soldier nutcracker. It's one thing to crack and crush nuts with your teeth, but it's another thing altogether to break shells with your esophagus.

Scary. I suppose those missionaries wear ties to disguise the opening in their throat. And I always wondered what neck ties were for...