I Really Meant It, Sir.

A couple of months back I was in a checkout line at a store in the mall and overheard the customer in front of me as she checked out. The employee asked for an email address and the customer politely refused. It was an Aha! moment for me to realize that I don't simply have to rattle off my phone number and email address at any store that happens to ask for it. I can politely opt out of ever getting those messages. Brilliant! I'd simply never thought about it before. It is now my common practice to say, "No, thank you. Not today." No one has ever hassled me about it. Until yesterday.

Last week I bought some lotion and perfume as a birthday gift. Inside my bag there was a coupon for a free item when you spend $10. I kept it, thinking I would probably come back and choose a scent to use. Yesterday I did just that. I went to the register with my $10 item and the one I wanted free. The guy at the register said that with the coupon and the current sale I could get two items free if I purchased two. I thanked him and told him I only wanted the two items. He checked to see that I was sure. Yes, I was sure. But I could have four items instead of two. No, I was fine with the two. Then he asked for my phone number and I gave him my usual line. He asked for my email address and I told him I would prefer not to give it. He said I could receive coupons through email. No, thank you, I don't actually shop here that often. So he should just keep the coupon identical to the one I'd just given him? That was fine; I didn't plan to use it. With one last "okay..." that indicated how foolish I was to pass up such a sweet offer he finally gave me my bag with the two items I wanted. I smiled and left. Now I'll say what I wanted to, but only thought.

Dude, I don't want the coupons. When I say "no" I mean it. That declaration is not an invitation to persuade me. It never has been. Ask any of the guys I dated and they'll confirm it. And...a lotion store? Really? It kind of creeps me out that you're so enthusiastic about your product. My husband wouldn't use any of your products if his skin were falling off from dryness. Too much smell. And, yes, I still mean "no."

Now I feel better. I've been laughing about it for two days.