Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Child For Sale

For sale: An almost 3 year old child with blonde curls, blue eyes, and an engaging smile.

Buyer requirements: Must be able to repeatedly say: "No.  Mommy said no.  Mommy said NO!"  "Applesauce doesn't go on the floor."  "Don't do that; it will hurt your sister!"  "It's not nice to kick Mommy in the head."  "That knife will hurt you!"  "Go to bed."  "Go back to bed."  "Stay in your bed."  "You need to stay in your bed."  "Don't get out of your bed."  "Go to sleep."  "I'll take your milk away if you get out of bed."  "If you get out of your bed again I'll _______."  "We don't eat floor food."

Interested applicants should be able to provide for said child until I'm ready to pick her up...when she's 40.

*Disclaimer:  I really hope I don't have to clarify that I am not actually selling my daughter, but there are people out there who would have me arrested for even joking about it.  I'm not selling her.  I still like her.  When she's asleep.

1 comment:

Amber said...

My middle child is almost three and he is a troublemaker himself. He slapped me in the face last week. Oh children. I know it never makes you feel better when people say it's just a phase or they'll grow out if it. I want to say, "That's awesome. What do you have for me now?"

Two weeks ago I started something my kids are loving called a fuzzy ball jar. It's an empty peanut butter jar and when they do something good they get to put a fuzzy ball in it (I just bought those little pom pom balls from Michael's). If they're not good,
I take one out. When it gets full, we'll go get Icees from Maverick. That's their favorite treat. One day I was so dang mad at my kids I told them I was going to empty the jar completely if they didn't stop. I emptied it and they were so sad to see their hard work dumped out. That made them want to fill it up again quickly so they cleaned their rooms, took the clothes out of the dryer for me, helped play with the baby, and put the silverware away to get the balls back in the jar.

As far as bed, my 5 yr. old gets up all the time too. We told him he could have 5 balls for every night he doesn't get out of bed and so far he's only gotten up once, which is a huge improvement. Just an idea. My 3 yr. old likes it too. Good luck!